ahhh, the good ol' days

Day 6: a picture that makes you happy

This pic was taken in 2003. It is from a show with a band I used to play with, love/misery.

This picture makes me happy for a number of reasons. I love it because it is one of the few action shots that I have of me doing something I love, performing music. I loved that red guitar (grrrr) and wish I still had it--but that's another story! This was taken before I was a daddy, or had an ex-wife or anything like that. No responsibilites!

My ex-wife (then girlfriend) and I had been on vacation in Disneyland. We flew in to SLC and drove immediately to the venue. It was a great trip, and then to finish it off with a great show, wow! So much fun.

Anyways, it makes me happy because it reminds me of being young, free and having so much time ahead of me, so much life left to live.

Oh yeah--and it reminds me that I was supposed to have been a rockstar by now--I'd better get on that!

Keepin on...

Day 5: Your siblings. Well...I am an only child. Soooo...nothing here. I do have a step-brother and a step-sister, but they grew up living with their mother in California and I never knew them much until they moved out here after turning 18. I am a few years older, so aside from family functions and such, I never really knew them all that well. They are very sweet! Somewhat confused though. Srsly. My step-brother just moved into the house we live in though...so I am learning more about him everyday.

Autobots, roll out!

Well, I may as well play catch up! Day 4: Your parents. What can I say about my parents? Thank God they tolerate me! Seriously though, I don't need to go into any detail here: Fantastic people. They know. Love ya!

My first love(s)

Day 3: Your first love

Okay, I know--today isn't Day 3. Cut me some slack here; when little man comes home, I am less inclined to stay up late and write. It happens. Sue me?

My mind decided to react in a strange way to this topic. It kick-started it's analytical processes, and next thing I knew, I was imagining how to sum up the idea of "Love," how it applied to me and my life, in a traditional sense or in the context of a Shakespearean tragedy--basically, I wanted to make this a lot harder than it really was. Huzzah!

I had decided that "First Love" would easily be cheated by talking about that first dog, or my mother--anything that wasn't the intended topic. Loving one's mother is taken as a granted methinks...as far as the author of this list was concerned? This is to be about Romantic Love.

This is actually really simple. Here we go!

My first Kiss: 14 years old, in the backyard of Matt Green's house while everyone else was at a swimming party. Her name is Lisa. She was also my first "girlfriend," though at the age of fourteen I had know idea what things like "girlfriend," or "Love" really were. At that age, Love is a new and exciting prospect; the world is just starting to open up before your eyes, and it is so much fun! Love at fourteen meant all the excitement, discovery and wonder, without responsibility! At fourteen you aren't worried about how much the mortgage payment went up this month; your biggest concern is how good your jacket smells after she wore it. Sublime.

My first girlfriend: Now, I will qualify this as meaning my idea of a first real girlfriend (not taking anything from you, Lisa!). A long-term girlfriend. The first person that you say "I Love you" to. In the only way you know how, at the ripe age of 17-18, you really do. Vacations. Prom. Wanting to spend more time with them than anyone else. Endless hours on a telephone. Flowers on Valentine's. Arguments. Family functions. Graduations. Ultimately, heartbreak. This person, for me, is named Jenny. Good stuff.

It is interesting to note that I am still in contact with both of the women named above. They have amazing lives, wonderful husbands, and are people I will always call my friend. Thank you, both of you.

My ex-wife: This one is a conundrum, because we are no longer together, and as such, there is no "Love" left. I can sum our relationship up in two words: train wreck. Terrible. Painful. An immensely powerful collision of two opposing forces, becoming entangled in some sort of mangled, twisted embrace. Yet strangely compelling to behold. Obviously, at one point, we must have been in Love--and we were. The problem was, we failed to nurture it, to grow it. Love within a marriage is work. Everyday. We let it pass us by, and became resentful and hurtful towards each other--probably because we had failed ourselves, and more importantly--failed each other. It ended badly.

I wish I could say that I was friends with this woman; I am not. We are quite decidedly not friends.

There exists, however, some semblance of Love for this woman I despise: she is the mother of my child. She gave me the most precious gift anyone could ever be given. As the mother of my child, I will always Love her for that. My Love for her is defined by and limited strictly to my son. Not through him by any means, for no child deserves that burden; but by the mere existence of him. I need to treat her with respect, and foster respect for her in my boy; I do him a great disservice if I don't. I make sure that he knows that his mother and I, although we are not in Love, are still his parents. He needs us both to appear as partners, as a team. We're still working on that one. It's a learning curve!

A few thoughts as I reach today's conclusion: I am lucky to have friends and family to Love and who Love me. There are of course, many examples of these wonderful relationships, and they do not need to be enumerated and detailed here. I am blessed to experience every single day a Love that is so absolute, so truly unconditional, I cannot even believe it is real, from my son. It simply pours out of him, and washes away any complaint or headache or how bad a day could have been.

I guess that as I move on in life, looking forward to one day meeting that special person to Love, and be Loved in return, this is what I would say:

I am waiting to hold a jacket to my face again.

"Echo Effect," and what it really doesn't mean.

Day 2: What is the meaning behind the name of your blog? Short answer? Nothing. It means nothing. What it really means though, is something. At the very least, something. "Echo Effect" is the name of a song from a band I played with, and it seems like ages ago. I hated the name of the band. HATED.; utterly loathed, detested, and pretty much felt embarrassed every time I saw it on our fliers/stickers--whatever. A monumental fail. When it came down to choosing a name, I was out-voted; long-live democracy, eh? I'd love to tell some sort of complex and profound story about the origin of the name and the lyrics; there isn't. It was called "Echo Effect" because of precisely that; our guitars were set to an extreme delay which delivered an "echo" effect. Literally. That's it. I know, very deep and artsy, right? Blah. Now, I must qualify this; I happen to be rather fond of the song in and of itself. The interplay of guitars, the solid bassline-they do count for something. The lyrics were written by Luke and Blake, and follow solidly the "call/answer" lyrical styling that I have always been so fond of. If you don't know what that means, I can sum it up quite succinctly: the first singer delivers his or her's line, and the second responds or continues the phrasing--quite effective, when done properly. This song does not disappoint as an example of that musical form. Originally I had planned on including the lyrics and elaborating on them from there. I have decided against that--they are irrelevent to the purpose of this post. The song itself doesn't matter, it is not on display here. Instead, I will sum it up in a few words: it is about vulnerability and self-consciousness. The speaker wants to violently, desperately, break those ties-- but in the end acknowledges the unrealistic and futile results of any attempt to seperate the self from these most basic of emotions. So why did I choose to name my blog after this song? The answer is simple. The mere sound of the words evoke intrigue and inquiry; "Echo Effect." Say it aloud. Now do it again. See what I mean? Almost as good as "Cellar Door." So here it is. I named my blog after this song because I think that the title is more profound than the song. The name "Echo Effect" makes me think of the ripples from a stone cast into still waters; they radiate out from such a small point, and affect--in the most minute and profound ways-- anything and everything they touch. I expect that about 4 people are even reading this--but if anything I ever have to say touches you, maybe you will share--and our own little "echo effect" will find its way into the world. Godspeed.

Day 1

Since I have never written a blog and have no idea how to really get started, I am stealing an idea that has manifested itself 28347832 times on these interwebs already--I am going to start with a "30 Day Challenge" of sorts. I found one that I think works.

"Day 1: Introduce, Recent Picture and 15 interesting facts about me."

Doesn't seem TOO painful.

Well, let's see--my name is Matt, short for Matthew and I sometimes get called "Matty." (I really like to be called that actually, but not everyone can get away with it.) I have my father's middle name (Morrell) and my son is also a "Morrell." It is some sort of old family name, but I have no idea where it came from. I used to hate it as a kid, but I have grown rather fond of it as I get older.

I am from Salt Lake City, and have lived here all my life. I am 32 years old, and going back to school to study nursing. I am a divorced single father. My son is type one diabetic, and that has really affected us in many ways, too many to list here (at least today--I'm sure I'll get to that post eventually).

Hmm...recent picture. What does "recent" mean anyways? Do I have to snap a picture now, or can I use one from a couple months ago? Ah-HA! Dictionary.com says that "Recent" can refer to geologic time, as in the "recent epoch," so I have about 10,000 years leeway on that. Score! The photo here is one my kid took, we were at the baseball game and on the field to watch the fireworks show. This is from last August, so not terribly old. I like it. I hate my double chin though--what the hell is that anyway? I am not a big guy, yet my neck seems to harbor some delusions of grandeur--does it secretly want to be a body builder or something? Lame.

15 Interesting Things. I am going to try to pick things that people who know me probably don't know, or at least aren't completely obvious. I am sure that I am not really as sneaky as I'd like to think I am.

1. I love coffee, but dislike warm drinks. Iced please, kkthxbuhbye.

2. I am a sucker for those Pixar movies; I see them all on opening day, and own (or have owned at one time) most of them. "The Incredibles" is probably my favorite.

3. Neil Diamond is a God amongst men; he lets us all live here because he truly does love YOU.

4. When I was about 4 years old, I dropped a puppy off of a balcony. Turns out, puppies can't fly. I didn't know better. I feel really bad about it to this day. Horrible actually; probably the worst memory I have.

5. I was born with a club foot. My whole right leg is slightly smaller and shorter than my left. My right foot is 2 sizes smaller. It was partially corrected. I have less range of motion in that ankle, and also arthritis. I can tell you with surprising accuracy if it really is going to rain today. (It isn't.)

6. I read very quickly. Very quickly.

7. I am pretty sure I have tinnitus. I hear ringing in my ears. Should have worn earplugs, but I thought I was too cool for school.

8. I am prone to unrequited crushes.

9. When someone asks what my favorite color is, I always answer blue; but this isn't exactly true--I really like green. All shades, and all hues. I answer with "blue" because blue really was my favorite color for most of my life, and it is just a reflex. But I am pretty sure greens take my cake.

10. I struggle with mechanical devices and computers. They hurt my head. Good thing I can get someone else to fix it. Kicking, hitting and/or yelling at stubborn inanimate objects does work in many situations though. Srsly.

11. I suck at math. Really... suck... at math. If it is more than basic 'rithmitic, it kicks my ass.

12. I know the difference between "their," "there" and "they're." Also "all right," "alright," "to," "two" and "too." These are not interchangeable. Don't even try it. Oh, and "farther" and "further." Farther is a measure of distance, further is a degree of something. Drives me nuts.

13. Lennon > McCartney. This is not negotiable.

14. If I go to Jamba Juice or somewhere else where they ask for your name to call for your order, I sometimes give them a fake name. Usually "Tom." I am not sure why I do this, but I suspect it has something to do with my desire to be a spy or interloper of some sorts. Cloak and Dagger!

15. I like to do things the hardest way I possibly can. This is not a conscious decision, but based on results, it is fact.

Well, I made it through Day 1. Not a very interesting read, but I did it. Hope your day is good!

Oi.

ungh--now what?

I just created this. Huzzah! Now what? I guess I am thinking of writing stuff? Go figure. Anyways--hello!